Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
