the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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