haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
