yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
