Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize