Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
