after a month anything with tits is on the radar
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
