i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
