I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
