I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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