put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
