mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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