The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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