WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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