i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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