I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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