I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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