wakey wakey hands off snakey
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
