Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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