Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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