splinters make it hard to masturbate
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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