This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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