its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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