imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
