fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
