why didn't you poke me back
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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