They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
