My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my being single is dangerous.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
