I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
