If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
