once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
