Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
God, you're like boner-b-gone
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
