absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
