dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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