i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
