please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
