omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
