My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she peed on how many people?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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