just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
whose parrot is this?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
