6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
