Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize