I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
