just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
