i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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