The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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