life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
