At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize