I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
