He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
