Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
