Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
