I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
