Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
