Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
