I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
