You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
