plz talk dirty to me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
