its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
