considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
