She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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