We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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