I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
there is puke in my bra ... again
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
