I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
